Your Horoscope 11 Şubat 2012
Well: I went for a sail with that bloke I told you about. His name is Barry and he’s quite nice really but I don’t think he’s a very good sailor because we got lost. We were supposed to go to Rhodes, to Rhodes harbour which is up at the top of the island; well we ended up right at the bottom and he decided it would be quicker to go round the back and see if we could get to Mandraki before dark. Because he didn’t have proper navigation lights we decided to stay well away from the land and we ended up on another island with no people and no houses on it. When I say that we ended up on it I mean that we sailed right into it and got stuck. Luckily we had plenty of food and drink on board so we had a comfortable night and in the morning we were towed off by a fishing boat. The first attempt didn’t work too well because I tied the tow rope with the bunny-rabbit knot but it came undone. I think I made the bunny go the wrong way round the tree.
Aquarius: I predict a good week for people who wear uniforms for work. There will be lots of Aries people on the lookout for you with “romantic” intentions. Airline pilots could have a fantastic week but shouldn’t neglect the navigation.
Pisces: I urge you to pay close attention to your mail this week, I sense an unexpected opportunity career-wise but please check the address, it may be for next door. A great week for your cat. If you don’t have a cat better get one; my cat is for sale if you’re interested, but you’ll have to collect it from Rhyl.
Aries: You overdid it didn’t you? When will you lot learn to eat and drink in moderation? I know it’s a characteristic that’s been bestowed on you by the stars, but a bit of self control is still possible. Your love life looks interesting; you like people in uniform don’t you? Whatever turns you on.
Taurus: Jack Nicholson is a Taurus and he chased his wife around a hotel with a big chopper so I advise you not to do that, you could jeopardize your marriage and get the hotel a bad name too. Don’t neglect your mum, she loves you.
Gemini: You tend to be impulsive which is no bad thing unless you feel an impulse to do a Jack Nicholson thing as summarized above. You could get an impulse to send me something nice like money, but if you don’t like me because I’m Welsh I quite understand. I sense a bad back coming on for many English Geminis.
Cancer: Remember that “All’s fair in love and war” so don’t lose any sleep about what happened at the party, she’ll get over it. If you are actually in a war feel free to cheat a bit, sort of sneak up on the enemy when he’s not looking. Don’t rinse out your mouth after cleaning your teeth with toothpaste, it’s anti-septic or something. Maybe rinse if you’re going to kiss people a lot.
Leo: Davy Crocket was a Leo and he used to kill bears and Indians and Mexicans so maybe there is a career for you along those lines. Ladies should perhaps go in another direction. I would advise you not to follow the example of Monica Lewinski because she got into a lot of trouble and got Mr Clinton into trouble plus zips can be tricky and sometimes painful.
Virgo: I think I got a bit mixed up last week, sorry about that. It is probably this week that you may fall down a manhole or something similar. Again my advice is to avoid all round things. I was also wrong about putting all your eggs in one basket, there was a stray star in your constellation that threw me. Heap as many eggs as you like into your basket but remember that eggs are binding.
Bunny: A Scottish Bunny will be promoted but one will sit on a wad of chewing gum. Bunnies tend to be fussy so if you are like that please stop it, loosen up a bit. Consider Wales for your summer holidays, the pubs are open on Sundays and Shirley Bassey and Catherine Zeta Jones live there.
Sagittarius: Better stay in bed all week. Get a good supply of books but don’t eat crisps in bed the crumbs get everywhere.
Capricorn: I see a lovely week ahead. Bright with some clouds until some light showers on Wednesday then warm and sunny until the weekend. Winds light to moderate; moderate to good visibility.
So: We paid the fishermen with a bottle of Raki and they went on their merry way. We managed to find our way back to Dalaman by watching were the planes were landing then we turned right a bit and followed a ferry into Fethiye. My boss was grumpy because I was two days adrift but “Mr X” wouldn’t let him fire me because I’d put him in touch with that randy woman. If I was her I’d watch out because if he ever gets tired of her he’ll just arrest her as a spy or as a drug runner.
By Very Mystic Blodweudd